Burn Out Brighter (Northern Lights)

Wow. It's been quite a while. A lot's happened in the past three months. The song for this post really reflects my mood at the moment...and yet I'm more optimistic than it seems.

Let me start out by saying that what you want is rarely what you need. All the things I thought I had figured out have fallen apart...and I'm surprisingly happy and at peace with that. At first it was very difficult to accept. I felt like a part of me had died. When you have a dream for so long and hold onto it with all you have, it's so painful to let go. I honestly cried over it...but I had to surrender it to God and let Him do with it what He would. As it turns out, sometimes (as I've heard it said) good things really must fall apart so great things can come together.

Eventually you must come to the end of yourself. You realize that you're one of the biggest hypocrites on the planet and nothing you have is deserved. Every breath you take and day you wake up is like a loan. You pay it back by using them to serve others. See, I guess what made me start blogging on this site again was what happened to me Monday of this week. I served lunch at a soup kitchen for the first time because I was tired of just talking about doing it.

I knew going into it that it would make a huge impact on me...but I had no idea how profound it would be. I arrived at the local church I'd be serving with at 10:00 am. They were heating this chicken cassarole in large pans, and I was instructed to keep an eye on it. I struck up a conversation with an elderly man who attended the church. We talked about many things, but what stayed with me was that we were from two seperate churches, genders, generations...etc...and here we were coming together over a chicken cassarole that we'd be serving at a soup kitchen. When it was time to leave, I got in a van with an elderly couple and mentally prepared for it. I'd hear all the horror stories....people trying to mug you, pedophiles staring you up and down...all the absurd things you hear from people who mean well but honestly don't understand the heart of service. When we arrived, I was struck by the respect and manners these people were portraying. One of the owners/leaders of the facility said it was a rehibilitation center and these individuals were taught to be courteous and thankful for the services rendered. I can honestly tell you I didn't serve ONE person that day who didn't make an attempt to thank me. I was at least 10 years their junior and yet they were saying things like "Yes, Ma'am". I was floored. In shock. My view of the homeless/needy was forever altered. It wasn't ever that I felt more important or "above" them...I just never thought they'd be so respectful.

In serving, I realized that we're all the same. The earth at the foot of the cross is level indeed (as, once again, my pastor says) and we're no better nor worse than anyone else. We need to apply this truth in the way we treat eachother. If we all treated ourselves who are so well off as those people did, this world would be transformed. However, everyone's too self-centered/absorbed to notice anyone else!!! It just solidified the fact that the more material possessions/success you have, the less you recognize your need for God and everyone else's need for common decency/consideration. We judge prematurely and never give anyone a chance. Those individuals had nothing, and in that they were all equals. Why can't we see that?? We too have nothing! All of depraved humanity is THE SAME!! Why do we begin to operate on a self-serve basis and plow over anyone in our way? We put ourselves on these pedastils and it's an absolute shock to us when they crumble.

Life is about relationships...first and foremost ours with Jesus Christ, and then how we relate to others. Don't miss that part of life and serving others just so you can climb this "ladder of success" we're all indoctrinated to pursue through the subliminal messages of the media (which is a whole other post, thanks)!!! *sigh* Ok, guess I'll stop now. Seek and serve. ~C.

(Don't forget guys, the title's the song title and the lyrics to find it through Google are tagged! Peace, Blogspot. ~C.)